i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I wanna passion pit in your ass
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
