I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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