Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize