I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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