You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
