How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
