Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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