The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
