It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
