hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
