DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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