dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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