I didn't shave. On purpose
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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