Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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