I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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