He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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