I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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