Betty ford says i'm here all night
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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