I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
