operation harelip BJ is a go
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
