You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
