OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
