guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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