I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
