Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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