you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
