mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
