Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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