This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
