a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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