Tell her she can't have a vagina
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
