I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
