Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize