I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
