I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
it hurts more in the daytime
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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