am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
