I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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