I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
