If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize