so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
