white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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