I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
