I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is Oprah even human
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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