when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
