I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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