i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
