I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
