so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
