@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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