it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
