What a fucking waste of an outfit
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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