turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
