umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
two words...techno handjob
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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