i need an iv and a liver transplant
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
