the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
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Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
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IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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