No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
