so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
