Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
