he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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