The best revenge is premature balding
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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