im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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