He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There's a naked man in my car right now.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
