remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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