Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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