I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
