I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
